Topic #1: (A Mosaic Case-Study) Coaching Others on Writing
Tasks

Scenario:

As the junior manager of the communications for the physical
Mosaic’s stores, Demetri constantly receives emails from the
accounting department. For example, he needs to know the furniture
pieces that have the best selling status so he can create
appropriate promotional sales materials marketing research. Read
the exchange below and follow the instructions in the Task to
practice and build skills in researching through surveys.

Unfortunately, there is a new accountant—Steve—who constantly
uses bureaucratic jargon and awkward sentence construction in his
emails.

Here is the latest e-mail Demetri received this morning:

TO: DemetriW@mosaic.com
FROM:  SteveR@mosaic.com
SUBJECT:  Unspecified

Dear Mr. Demetri,

Pursuant to our conversation yesterday on the telephone,
enclosed please find the needed sales figure for the past quarter
of the current year. It should be noted that the figures presented
herein include numbers on the most recent sales data for this
quarter minus this past week prior to the official ending of the
quarter.

At the request of the conversation that occurred with you, I
have taken the liberty to commence prioritizing the furniture
peaces that seemed to have the most impressive routine sales during
the initial and final weeks’ of the sales quarter.

Should you have any further questions on this important and high
priority issue that I need to take into consideration, please don’t
hesitate to contact me about your concerns at your earliest
convenience so that we can discuss them at length until both
parties can reach an agreed upon resolution.

Sincerely Yours,

Steve R.

All of the e-mails Demetri receives from Steve are similar to
this one. Sometimes Demetri has to read the e-mails three or four
times before he can even figure out what Steve is trying to say, a
factor in productivity for Demetri and everyone else at Mosaic who
has to read Steve’s emails.

After reading this latest email this morning, Demetri printed it
out and showed his boss, Yvonne. “Can I do something about this?”
he asked.

“Sure. He should know better! Send him an email letting him know
what he can do to improve his writing and how his level of
formality is inappropriate for interoffice correspondences. You
have my green light,” Yvonne said, while making her infamous
imaginary quote marks in the air when she said green light.

Since the department hosts communication training for all new
employees at Mosaic’s headquarters, Demetri believes that his email
will be well-received. Specifically, during the training sessions,
the communication team reviews pointers about how to make style
less formal and easier to read to fit the organizational
communication style of Mosaic.

Task:

Take on the communication task of Demetri and send an email – in
the discussion thread – to Steve that offers some ways he can
improve his writing style and proofreading based on the techniques
covered in this course.

Further guidance:   Remember that
email correspondences should be short and to the point. Effective
student answers will use specific examples to support their
claims.The email should focus on telling Steve to use words that
are accurate, appropriate, and familiar and also avoid using
business jargon. For example, instead of beginning the email with
“Pursuant to our conversation yesterday on the telephone, enclosed
please find the needed sales figure for the past quarter of the
current year,” Steve could write, “Attached are the sales figures
we talked about on the phone yesterday.” Responses should also
address the wordiness and long sentence structure found in Steve’s
email. Consider using a Writing Review Checklist and standards for
readability that we have discussed earlier in the course in your
advice to Steve.